i am a thief.

i have been a thief for as long as i can remember. probably even before that.

i don’t feel good about it, but i don’t regret it either. i know i probably should.

i have stolen from people, stores, companies and places. i have stolen food, drinks, jewellery, appliances, tools, clothing, toys, toiletries, cleaning supplies, gardening supplies, plants, firewood, coffee, decorations, and fuck knows what else.

but i’ve never dined and dashed at a restaurant. i’ve never asked a cafe to make me a takeaway coffee and then nicked it and left. i’ve done my best to only steal non-essential items from big multinational corporations that do their best to outsource labour and get cheap materials to maximise offshore profits to line their execs’ pockets.

if there’s less than four levels of separation between me and the owner, i won’t steal from them. if they provide me some kind of service that isn’t just distribution and logistics, i won’t steal from them. if it’s handmade, i won’t steal from them.

but beyond that… i mean, isn’t it fair? they don’t pay as much tax as they should, they implement self checkouts to make me do half the work for them, they pay their staff as little as legally possible and exploit the labour market with their size, they loophole and nickel and dime everything they can… isn’t it only sensible i get something for free every now and then?

i like to think these conditions mean i have ‘honour among thieves’, that maybe doing a bad thing doesn’t make me a bad person.

maybe if i ever meet anubis and their heart scales i’ll find out if that’s true.

Author: eip

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